I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
