i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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