How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My vagina is very pro this idea
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
