All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
