I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
