After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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