I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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