Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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