That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
