I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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