Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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