I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
