she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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