She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I miss vodka workout Fridays
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
