if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
