Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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