so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
