Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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