went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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