I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
