Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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