tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
