If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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