I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
