I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
