guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
