peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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