I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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