I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
