I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
