you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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