Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Randomize
