week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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