let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
