This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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