I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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