my vag is so smooth its legendary
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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