i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
