sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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