Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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