I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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