Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
