how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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