I didn't shave. On purpose
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
