i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
