I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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