so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
