did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
