and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.