trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?