I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not