I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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