but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
50% drunk capacity currently
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
