fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
