You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
