I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
