This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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